The military life..........

......has a way of sneaking up on you and slapping you in the face!!! Terry got orders overseas for a year, we found out a about 12 days ago and I have been on an emotional roller-coaster ever since. Not sure what else to say right now, I am just a mess and I hope the next 17 months fly by really fast!! I just wanted to update the family the reads this!

The last 2 years of my life...............

have sucked so bad!!! I am so tired of starving myself and working my ass off and seeing no results and now I have been informed that this may just have to be the way I live for the rest of my life!! 900-1200 calorie a day diet, burning as many calories through running, yoga and daily life as possible just so I don't GAIN any more weight and that I may just never loose this weight!! I can't tell you how that makes me feel.....I feel so hopeless!! If a normal person worked as hard as I have for the last 8 years of my life (particularly the last 2years) they would be a damn stick!! Now, let me say that I do not want to be a stick but I do want to loose 30lbs and feel good about myself. I grew up in a family that made it well known that being overweight was just disgusting and that no person should look like that and I know that that is one of my biggest problems, I just find myself absolutely repulsive!!!! I find myself just so disgusted when I look in the mirror anymore....I hate this so much!!!! It has become very hard to deal with esp. since finding at that I have Hashimoto's disease on top of the Hypothyroidism ( it complicates it so much more). I am sick of my hair falling out and clogging my shower every damn day, so tired of being tired, hate the mood swings, hate being the freak in the room because I am freezing and shivering while everyone else is hot, pimples at the age of 27 and most importantly just knowing that this will be the way I have to live forever!!!

Just need to vent I guess......it's been harder to deal with lately.